i bought newspapers for ten dollars

at cvs this morning i paid $10.00 for two newspapers.

i took the book review out of the Times and slid it into my purse for later.

after 3/4's of a bottle of carmenere and a few cigarettes

i read it cover to cover.

except the paperback best sellers.

i did it.

i read the book review.

finding roots

photos albums strewn.

emotions thick with dust stir.

its me in all those photographs. in all those places far and long away.

i have been here hidden under layers of loss. retreating from myself and who i have become.

or who i have said i am.

a smile crosses my heart as i realize that i have me. that perhaps i am not lost.

or forgotten.

that i have the parts to put me back together.

that the roots of me are still alive. dormant but alive.

i have only to give them nutrients and i will begin to grow.

once again blossom.

and this time, i will not push myself into what i think i am. i will feel my way tentatively as a root slowly unfurls its awesome potential into new thick soil.