a clean house

yesterday there was sweat drippin off my knees while i swept the kitchen floor.

all the laundry is put away. except for the socks that have lost their match.

how does that happen?

and the closet got organized. blankets folded and pillow cases riffled through.

a pile to go to the salvation army.

woke up in clean sheets.

thursday morning relaxed and quiet. watermelon for breakfast with pesto and bacon.

and now a friend on the porch with iced soy latte.

i love her

the fuzz on her cheek, the rhythm of her laugh.

the way we don't ever need to speak and yet we know.

i hate her with the other woman.

it makes my heart cringe. and yet i willfully listen to her stories of their life together.

i will sometime have stories of my own to share.

and then her heart will cringe.

a morning so innocent can fall asleep in the afternoon

groggy, craving the sunshine she missed.

fruit flies on the sweet fur of the peach in the kitchen catch her attention as she stands at the sink filling a watering can.

cilantro blossoms delicate, and a table cloth stained with the vigor of radish green filled mouths.

sit in the slant of evening.

waking her senses, enveloping the curve of her thigh.

the promise of dusk threatens a day with out productivity.

running in circles

is it self sabotage?

i fell and haven't gotten back up. i make my space and sit within its walls. shut in.

on the porch in the jungle of my creation.

and i love it. fight it. want it and push it away.

drive headlong into the traffic wanting the resistance of the metal on my skin to wake me up.

will my wings grow if i jump?

feathers sprout from my shoulder blades and lift me?

cause this crash, this stagnant puddle is murky and i want...

light and growth.

swim to the other side of the ocean and know i will make it.

that i belong in a school of fish.

silver and slippery.

that my jungle is there waiting for me to build it.

my empire real and solid.

prolific and masterful.

mine for the rest of the world.

I LOVE LABOR UNIONS!

february

the new year didn't phase me. and i lived through valentines day with out a hitch. i seem to be living life as though it doesn't have to go through a media filter. and so i am here. with the gift of renewal. i am two weeks dry. no alcohol. i feel great. but now apparent are the other ills of my ways. i am in need of cleaning up the rest of my life. a list of personal departments that need cleansing are food consumption, physical activity, fiscal responsibility, intellectual growth, and artistic inspiration. so... i am embarking on a mission. i am approaching every day as a new one. every day as if i have a blank slate to mar all on my own. i am going to set goals long term and short. i would really love to create a large piece of substantial writing. one that perhaps i can work on publishing if only locally. short term goals. staying sober. walking to work. going to sleep before midnight. watching tv only every other day. water no juice. plenty of tea and no coffee. at least two books a week. library materials returned on time and a plane ticket. perhaps even renew my passport. and start seeds inside for the garden which is still buried beneath the snow. new music. monthly playlists with work playlists interspersed.

a lot to do. but i want to cultivate motivation and i think that the beginning of my dry month has been tormented by my desire to sit on the couch and eat chocolate cake. not helpful to my mind body or soul.

so.... here i go

democracy calls

whenever i hear of protests in the streets of the world, people screaming for what they believe in, my heart excites. and then frustration sets in.

our nation, built upon voices of dissent, relishes some of the most lavish lifestyles in the world. with these lifestyles comes a false feeling of satiation. and i firmly believe that this sense of satiation is what leads us to placation. let our voices be heard. let the state of the union not fall on cynical ears. let the words of those in power call us to action. we are not being provided for. we are all struggling in ways to make our lives better. let those struggles unify us. call us to make change, serve our communities, and do what is best for us. so that we may have a future to give.