i bought newspapers for ten dollars

at cvs this morning i paid $10.00 for two newspapers.

i took the book review out of the Times and slid it into my purse for later.

after 3/4's of a bottle of carmenere and a few cigarettes

i read it cover to cover.

except the paperback best sellers.

i did it.

i read the book review.

finding roots

photos albums strewn.

emotions thick with dust stir.

its me in all those photographs. in all those places far and long away.

i have been here hidden under layers of loss. retreating from myself and who i have become.

or who i have said i am.

a smile crosses my heart as i realize that i have me. that perhaps i am not lost.

or forgotten.

that i have the parts to put me back together.

that the roots of me are still alive. dormant but alive.

i have only to give them nutrients and i will begin to grow.

once again blossom.

and this time, i will not push myself into what i think i am. i will feel my way tentatively as a root slowly unfurls its awesome potential into new thick soil.

once a month

my thoughts make it onto a page.

not often enough.

with no cohesion or context. they float. from me into oblivion.

with no one to read or understand them i wonder of purpose. and intent.

as if perhaps a story may emerge withering on the white of the page.

a thread i can follow. or pull out of seam in my consciousness.

i've been waking up in the morning saturated by her presence in my dreams. and yet i haven't kissed her.

me against the world

thinkin bout organizin a union.

Thank You to Chief Judge Vaughn R. Walker!

For recognizing that California's prop 8 violated the Constitution's guarantee of equal rights for all Americans.

tuesday afternoon: who knows...

a sky swollen with the possibility of rain.

i feel it in the breeze and the scent taunts my nostrils.

i should water the new rose bush anyway.

in the midst of stabilizing my broken heart i distract myself

with the past.

pulling the weeds in my veggie garden.

painting the kitchen yam!

pickling.

sewing projects: curtains and perhaps a dress.

the calm of waves on my toes and sun on my skin.

all so i don't think of her with some other woman.

converted

to orange juice without pulp.

almost creamy.

delicious.

i am a convert

with out the hullabaloo of a new year

still our thoughts move towards the ideas of new beginnings.

the most important being awareness. without it i find no inspiration.

so i am committing to reading.

literature

newspapers

blogs

history (especially important)

anything and everything else.

coupons are hilarious and occasionally useful

as i live this commitment i find that another buds.

writing.

to document experience is vital. so that there may be more to read.

in knowledge that change is vital to success on our planet.