It started with the burn of tears while the bank officer told me I didn't have all the right documents to open the account I needed. By the time I was walking out of the bank my shoulders were shuddering. As I buckled my seat belt tears were streaming down my cheeks from behind my sunglasses. I got myself home, safely. I called my girlfriend and cried. After listening to her pep talk I still was sure that I had no qualification to start my own business, to help people, to become an authority on my subject. The conversation with my girlfriend ended with me still in tears, claiming I can't do this! When I got off the phone, I filled out the paperwork the bank officer required, submitted my application and continued on my day. I got a lot of stuff done. I made myself a healthy, well portioned dinner. I ran a few errands. I even did laundry. So maybe I am not back into the pit of self doubt. I just dangled my toes over the edge.
In retrospect it was the perfect storm as so much of life's derailments are but at the time I was a sobbing mess. Then I used my practice, my breath work, my loving supportive relationship to get me back on solid ground instead of falling to the bottom. It's the little parts of a life in practice that I give thanks to. The parts that hold me together and keep me moving forward despite the scary stuff.